Pope-The Planet Hy Man Kind
There is all purpose cream and Planet Hy Man all purpose Cream
April sun is here and I’ve been out in it long enough to get a red face, and drunk enough gin to make me regret it…
I am working on my ninth book in the Planet Hy Man series. When I say work I have about three chapters written. It's slow work in this weather when you want to make the most of dry days, but I’m doing my best. The working title is ‘Dark Side Of Planet Hy Man’. I plan to explore the darker side of some of the characters.
In a humorous way of course…
Pete’s memoirs
Join me in looking at the world through the eyes of an android, Pete, and discover his past along the way.
So let’s recap…
We left Pete two newsletters ago at the Edinburgh Festival where he had spent the afternoon squashing himself into a see-through box along with a lady contortionist (the lady in the box) and the evening at the Lizard Lounge, locked in a dance from hell. Pete partnered with a man dressed as a woman, saw more than he bargained for, and is still recovering…
What next?
The Pope-Planet Hy Man Kind
Trapped in a half-opened sleeping bag is not the best way to contemplate your day, especially when connected to your nemeses of many years, who seem to know your every move.
Woody and I were squashed up in a tent I, recovering from my dance-a-thon ordeal, and the apparition beneath I dare not speak of. My back was covered in Verruca’s all-purpose lubricant, which H2 had generously applied. And I, still sticky with one foot in my sleeping bag and the other soon to follow, was stopped mid-snuggle when Woody, engrossed in his Nokia, looked up.
“We’re connected,” he said to H2.
To Planet Hy Man I presume…
H2 thrust her tube of cream at Woody with a “Here, stick this on Pete’s back,” and grabbed the phone. I thought she’d finished, but I wasn’t going to argue. The feel of Woody’s warm hands, as he pressed me to the floor, had me almost swooning.
I flopped like a cat.
“Pope?” said H2.
Pope? I thought as Woody shoved a pillow under my face and turned it to the right. Again?
H2 talked to Pope like best buddies like she had known him for years rather than seconds. “What have you got for us?” she burst into a chuckle— a surprise to me, Pope's idea of a joke was to insult my downward dogs.
“I wouldn’t believe everything he says” I muttered into the pillow.
Not that H2 heard she is Planet Hy Man homesick, and desperate to hear about her comrade DBO. “Go on.” She muttered.
Pope a pain in the arse Robot 33 had been a thorn in my memory since the day he along with Pot and Prudence (the only other 33 Robots on the planet) left me for six, escaping to the hippy colony without a backward glance my way. He is ‘my arch-everything’ and H2 was listening to him like he was worth a second listen…what the pickling tardis was he saying?
“Robots have two faces too,” I mumbled.
“Keep still” muttered Woody, working my lower back.
H2 told Pope to carry on. “I want to hear all.” she sighed like a schoolgirl.
I wanted to shout ‘All he has to say is fuck all’, but Woody was kneading an area that had me giggling against my will.
“So Pete finally found the lady in the box,” Pope cryptically croaked.
“Oh ha ha,” I squealed.
Woody told me not to be rude.
“Rude?” I said. “Your thumb is twisting the very tickle stick of a Robot 33’s back.”
Woody stopped “You have a tickle stick?”
“It’s hidden,” I muttered. “One of the reasons we’re only three.”
“I don’t have one,” said Pope.
I lifted my squashed face to the light of the Nokia. “Explains why your jokes are as funny as Herbes.”
“Mine? Your only decent joke is your yoga.” Told you…
“Well, it got me into a box with a Lady.”
H2 looked at Woody. “Lady in the Box?”
“It’s a festival thing,” said Woody, pushing me down with a warm hand.
“Festive?” said H2 “In a box?”
“This woman,” Pope pronounced like some old Arthurian wizard—-which he always does when trying to impress. “Folded herself into a see-through…”
“Perspex…” Woody interrupted.
“Ok,” (I could hear Pope grind his jaw) “A perspex box and the crowd throw money at her.”
“Why?”
“Entertainment, magic, Earth folk love it,” said Pope, like a true know-it-all.
“Not all folk,” muttered Woody. “It's not my thing.”
“This is Earth,” I said. “Nothing magical here, well, except hair dye, underwire, and false-es, magic here is the sort of trick that is as easily figured out as a Rubic cube…”
I could hear Pope’s head trying to work out what to say I had stunned him into silence.
A Rubic cube on Plenty Hy Man is spoken of in hushed tones. No one has ever seen one. Well apart from the Archeologist (or diggers ), they claim they not only have one but know how to use it. But then they are so elite they don’t have to bother with ordinary things like what they look like or saying hello let alone back up what they say.
They claim a Rubic Cube has as many layers as an onion, and if no one has seen it how can they dispute it?
“Who cares about Rubic cubes” H2 threw me a shut-it look. “I want to know about DBO.”
But Pope had already signed off.
Gambling On Common Sense-L.Briar
A humorous Sci-Fi
Common Sense Officer Ash Payne can't say no to a bet, and the handsome Captain Lin Solis knows it. She just wanted to live up to her father’s legacy on board the Helios, but between her reckless crew’s pet alien, rogue AI, and an accursed pirate hat—she has her hands full.
And if you haven’t read The Rise Of Manifesto The Great yet it is currently free on Royal Road…
If you’d like to buy me an “I love your story” coffee then here
Until next time happy reading
