Back in the days when Pete was on earth Pete kept a log, most of which was directed at Mex’s inability to “lay off the sugar”. Word has it he left it behind when he left for Planet Hy Man for those of us who want a gentle reminder of just what a queer bunch we humans are…
I don’t know about you but I think the idea of a robot made of Teflon driving is as queer as it gets.
Earth 2008 Festive January
Bunny is an earthy woman fond of the saying “talking through your arse,” which usually has me wondering about pain, pleasure, and that earthly anomaly called piles. As of yet, I haven’t dared to dig deeper----- let alone ask.
Still, I did accompany her to the bank….
“There was a time when bank managers were real people behind real desks.” Said Bunny. “Not anymore, bank managers are as illusive as a GP, and as for a plumber, don’t get me started on them…”
We were skirting around the outside of a bank, Bunny high on her fasting regime that included copious amounts of espresso, iron bru, and something called Buck-fast, (half price at Asda). She does it every January, to regain her pre-festive waistline and Don fed up, had confiscated all drinkable substances apart from green tea which she said was on a “par with piss”.
I was stunned, the bank’s resemblance to the building of Opulence on Planet Hy Man was remarkable. And I thought enlightening Bunny on such a building would take her mind off things. She’s always asking about where I come from, and no matter how many times I start to explain she, without waiting for an answer starts on about Star Trek like I'm Captain Kirk's best friend, Spock's confident and that Scottish guy's drinking buddy.
This morning it was different, there was talk of a mission, and she, “a little worse for wear” (whatever that was), was needing “a top up?” Of what I had no idea but it seemed to have something to do with the bank and its “hole in the wall.”
Bunny had been on an emotional rollercoaster according to Don; one sad song and she was suicidal, and one squeak of a fart, and she was “pissing herself” which I’m told has nothing to do with ‘the John.” He said it was all down to hormones, and if she hadn’t met me and the others from planet Hy Man he was thinking of marching her to the GP.
“I was feeling seasick from it all,” he said “One minute she was as rampant as a …(was it rabbit of stab-it) and the next crying over spilled tea and she hates tea.”
Bunny is one of those women you can’t ignore, Don says it’s her chest which according to him has a life of its’ own, but to be honest, I think it is more her boom of a laugh, it is not the first time I’ve spilled my beverage over her response to joke.
I told her how the Building of Opulence had been designed after the fall of man, that the building dominated the city like a wart on a nose dominated a face,” which stopped her in her tracks.
“It’s where all-important work on Planet Hy Man is conducted,” I said.
“Like electricity,” she laughed.
“It’s a testament to women and their engineering, even though the plans were stolen from the Librarian, (a man) the women still had to execute it.”
“Execute?” Bunny split her sides laughing which stopped a passing postman in his tracks.
“Wait a minute” she stopped for breath “you have a building called Opulence?”
“That was a few sentences ago,” I said.
“I know it just hit me”, she said. “Why would you call a building Opulent.”
“Ma’am it is Opulence and a mere figure of speech,” I said trying to keep things on an even keel. Bunny didn’t hear she was staring at the “hole in the wall” trying to remember her “fucking password.”
“Everything is a machine now,” she said with a skid. “Where are all the people serving things? I mean look at this street, empty. Years ago I’d be served by a nice young man.”
“It is but Saturday ma’am”.
She focused on the so-called ‘hole’ which looked more like a badly designed robotic implant. I didn’t say anything, Bunny when focusing needed space, quiet, and no distractions. According to Don, disturbing her in such a trance was on par with “waking a hibernating bear”. Instead, I watched the postman dash from one house to another while Bunnie worked through every birthday she could think of including several of her pets.
She was so engrossed she even let me answer her phone and huffed a “so” when I told her it was Don talking of “the mission.”
“What’s my friggin password” she finally yelled and before Don could answer her face lit up, “It’s ok, I've made contact.”
I watched her fingers flick across the keyboard, she waited….I waited…and then as if by magic notes slid out like the postman was on the other side.
I watched her count the money then slid it into her purse and with a crisp click headed for the car.
“An earth bank is truly a building of Opulence,” I said and Bunny laughed so hard the postman skidded off his bike.
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I hope you are enjoying Pete’s log and if there is something about Pete you are curious about let me know. After all, it is not often we humans get a chance to ask a Teflon Robot what he thinks…
Until next time happy reading