I have just finished my latest book The Other Side Of Planet Hy Man.
I am waiting for it to be edited and also for a cover to be designed and thought why not give you a wee taster along with two great bargains?
Please excuse any mistakes…
The Other Side Of Planet Hy Man
Chapter Two- Woody
Being Right Is Not Always Welcome
“Are you sure there are no other cities——not even one? ” said Woody.
Pete scrolling through his his latest-just-out-of-its-box H Pad (the iPad equivalent on Planet Hy Man with bells on ) didn’t look up. Woody waffling on about how the rest of the planet could not possibly be empty was nothing new. The first time Woody asked such questions Pete was stumped, now he didn’t bat an eyelid.
“There really is no one else?” Said Woody.
Pete engrossed in photos of Earth street performers said nothing.
“No other cities, or towns?”
Pete sighed flicking onto pictures of male performers dressed as females.
“You can’t just be the only inhabitants? Not even a village shop?”
“There is no such thing as a village on planet Hy Man,” said Pete “or a shop.”
“What about the marketplace?”
“That’s different,” said Pete. “The market is, well…” he stopped, lost for words.
* * *
Pete had been a PA robot for Mex, an ex-Man spy, Planet Hy Man’s elite. All that changed when he landed on Earth and, well, virtually saved Planet Hy Man before returning with his new best mate, Woody.
Woody a real live male dwarf from earth had elevated Pete’s status to more than a robot.
There had been no male babies for decades, and decades on planet Hy Man, and the only men left were tall, anorexic-lean, ancient, doddery retired footmen. They were so old they looked mummified which made touching as attractive as having your teeth pulled with no Anaesthetic.
Woody a young man in his twenties changed all that.
The women watching Earth on their H pads, swooned like teenage girls when Woody appeared on their screens and almost fainted when he, along with Pete “saved their planet”.
And when his fresh wrinkle-free smile bounced onto the planet, the women were swept off their feet, proclaiming their undying gratitude to Pete for “making such a gift possible.”
Woody had been brought up in a family that laughed at him, with a mother who talked like his chances of finding love were as small as his height, and yet here on Planet Hy Man he was a god.
Women stopped to admire, watched him walk by——hung on his every word, like he was the next Buddha and yet Woody unlike Pete was embarrassed about the whole thing.
And now he was driving Pete insane with his ‘there must be others on the planet’ questions.
Woody had no plans to live on another planet, he had no plans for anything and was as aimless as misspent sperm, dreaming his life away in coffee shops, pen poised.
He dreamt of being Scotland’s Terry Pratchett, of his books flying off the shelves at Waterstones, of fans lining up for his signature, all he needed was to finish—well, start a book.
Now on Planet Hy Man, it was all in front of him all he had to do was write what he saw but something niggled him…this planet…there just had to be more than one city, one race of women.
Of course, they maintained they were the only ones, that there was none but them living on the planet. That their ancestors had landed, discovered, and civilized the planet, all be it that the ancestors killed all the four-legged creatures, all the water creatures, and just about everything that breathed.
The women were so sure they didn’t even have a name for the city, just called it ‘the city’ or ‘our place.’ But how could they truly know thought Woody? When they didn’t even have a map let alone a history of exploration.
“Still the market is a shop of sorts, still sells things,” said Woody.
“It’s not a shop…and we would know if there was another.”
“How?” said Woody
“We just would.”
“What about the emporium then?” Said Woody.
“The emporium is but a mere memory…” said Pete with another sigh.
He flicked onto pictures of burlesque performers.
He couldn’t care less about other cities and people, he had enough on his plate, and he had his fame to uphold.
Earth had changed Pete, made him all squidgy with human feelings, tough with ambition, addicted to attention, and sometimes a little jealous.
He loved to entertain the Planet Hy Man women with his earth stories, such as his ‘Edinburgh festival adventure’, what a flapjack tasted like, and the joys of patting a real dog, and Pete loved to do it dressed as an earth woman. Dressing as a woman was how he ‘blended in’ on earth and he hadn’t stopped since. He was addicted to the swish of nylon, the tightness of a bra, and the clip of a heel and as for lipstick, he had a draw full.
He could rustle up outfits quicker than a robot could pant “where’s my lubricant? “ which was just as well because the other robots looked up to him. Within months of his arrival back from Earth, they wanted to look like him. Bras were soon all the rage and it wasn’t long before Pete’s spare time was spent giving advice on underwire.
Spurred on by such success he acquired a small shed, filled it with robotic tailors, and started his ‘finding the woman in robot’s venture, feminine outfits for robots——any shape, any size.
They sold off the peg outfits at the market and took measurements in a wobbly tent behind the stall for those of unusual shapes. Nothing was too much trouble for Pete and his tailors and soon he had a following and with good old-fashioned marketing he doubled that following.
He wrote books on the subject, and held meetings, claiming that he liberated the robot to ‘almost woman status’ with a bra, a corset, and a wig. And it wasn’t long before the city was full of metallic, strutting androids done up like drag queens, cheering most women up, even the leader H2 and her sidekick DBO and Vegas.
Thanks to Pete the city was now a colorful, prettier place and Pete had more plans.
He wanted to retire from his official role supporting the leadership team, retire from his work in the scientific shed ‘investigating things’, and devote all his time to his passion, ‘finding the woman in robot’s venture.
He wanted to elevate the dress code, create better outfits, dresses for every occasion, outfits befitting his status——create the corset to end all corsets, maybe even create a troupe of performers and impress not just the robots but the women too.
* * *
“What do you think of this” he said shoving a picture of Dita Von Tease under Woody’s nose, silencing Woody for a least a few days.
Project Charon——for only 0.99
On the backwater world of Cayelle, Tina Freeman runs a shop with her son Rex: fifteen years old, half-human, half-android with a massive chip on his shoulder having been born without arms or legs.
The shop makes a modest profit, but when a creditor wants his money back, everything goes pear-shaped.
Lightbulb Moments in Human History -Free Download
Lightbulb Moments in Human History tracks humanity’s big ideas and the eccentricities of those who conceived them.
Funny. Irreverent. Never boring. This is not the history you were taught in school. Scott Edwin Williams’ Lightbulb Moments in Human History engages, entertains, and provides hope that while times are tough, we’re not all going to hell in a handbasket.
I haven’t had a chance to make a new video so here is an old one when I had more hair and way more clutter in my room. I call it my black and white phase
Happy September until next time happy reading